DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE

Another installment of Tyler Has A Loveline

WHY CAN’T WE TALK AGAIN?

Picking up the pieces is especially difficult when you don’t even know where they are. Heartbreak is hard. It’s even harder a second time. The days start to blend together—sometimes I can’t tell if any of it is real. Because none of it feels real.

I wish I could physically open up, bare my chest, and reveal what’s really inside.
But it would just be my organs, ribs, and nervous system—everything you'd expect to see.

Letting someone truly see you—blood, guts, and all—is the real point of all this.
To be seen and accepted is to be loved, even if it’s just everything you expected to see.

That kind of love only comes around a few times. And it feels like I’m running out of time.

IS IT ANY WONDER?

HANG UP AND RUN TO ME

Wanda, 34/F/Salt Lake City, Utah
How do I convince my male partner that anal play doesn’t make him gay?

Hi Wanda,

You’ll know if your man is actually down. A lot of men posture as if they’re not curious or haven’t thought about it before. But once fingers, mouths, etc., get close—speaking strictly in terms of physical space and body proximity—many of those preconceived notions about heterosexuality and masculinity tend to fall away.

If a man is truly comfortable with you, he’ll be willing to try—or at least allow—anything once. Just don’t take advantage of that openness. It could be a moment of real vulnerability, even a perspective-shifting experience.

Give us an update next mailbag. Thank you, Wanda!

Steven, 22/M/New York, New York
Why do most men hate their girlfriends?

Hi Steven,

This is an excellent question, mostly because I have no idea. That said, it doesn’t seem like a new phenomenon or sentiment. In fact, from what I’ve seen, both men and women often seem equally unhappy or unsatisfied in their relationships.

Just an observation from a bartender who watches couples argue, sit in silence, exchange passive-aggressive jabs, and more, every single day.

My immediate advice: leave relationships that no longer serve you. Easier said than done, of course. But one thing I’ve noticed is that many people enter or stay in relationships for the physical comfort, especially in an increasingly expensive world. Another factor is emotional comfort. Long-term relationships can become a crutch. You might grow to resent your partner, but someone you’ve shared your life with for years isn’t always easy to walk away from.

Resentment is poison to any relationship, romantic or otherwise.

Try to approach each day with your partner like you’re still trying to woo them: their affection, their attention, their love. Appreciate their time. Vocalize that appreciation. Be of service. Open your heart—and your ears. Relationships are work, and they require daily effort. Be ready and willing to show up for that work every single day.

Hopefully, this insight was sufficient.

Charlotte, 39/F/Phoenix, Arizona
Love, lust or limerence?

Hi Charlotte,

I’m a big fan of all three, but I’ll answer it this way:

Fuck love, marry lust, and kill limerence.

Just Some Girl, 25/F/Phoenix, Arizona
I crave the intimacy of a companion, yet I’m scared of the reality of it. And being alone forever is an even more terrifying reality.

Hey girl,

It’s completely normal to crave intimacy—most people do. One of the most beautiful things about getting to know someone and letting them in is the excitement of what the future might hold. You truly never know what’s coming next, and that unpredictability makes every day feel meaningful. Daydreaming about the future with someone new is the best part of an early relationship.

Companionship is one of the most fulfilling experiences I’ve had, with multiple people. Some relationships were romantic, some were not. Because not all companionship comes from romance or intimacy, but it’s especially powerful when you find both in the same person.

I’ve always encouraged those around me to lean into their feelings. So many wonderful things can come from that openness. Of course, it doesn’t mean pain won’t find you there, too. Still, I believe you’re better off embracing new experiences than remaining stagnant.

If there’s one thing I’m currently learning, it’s the reality of being alone, truly alone. I’m trying to heal and genuinely enjoy my own company. I know it’s in my best interest to learn how to love my time alone before I can fully enjoy anyone else’s. Maybe that’s a good lesson to hold onto.

Don’t overcomplicate it. If you haven’t found someone who makes you want to couple up, maybe it’s just not your time yet. Enjoy your time with yourself, and you’ll naturally attract the right person when the timing is right.

Lala, 52/F/Peoria, Arizona
What is one thing you want out of life?

Hi Mom,

The one thing I want out of life is to feel fulfilled and content. In every area. I want to be a good son, grandson, brother, uncle, friend, boyfriend/husband (someday), and hopefully a good father. I want a respectable career that hopefully involves writing. I want to live a long and healthy life. I want to experience everything that life has to offer.

Not just one thing, I suppose, but fulfillment would probably be the one thing I’d like the most. Love you so much, I’ll call you soon.

Joshua, 23/M/Phoenix, Arizona
When it comes to keeping balance in your life while having a significant other, how do you manage time to keep both yourself and your partner satisfied while keeping your own routine?

Joshua,

Great question, this is one of the most important things to figure out early in a new relationship, as it sets the tone for everything that follows. In my experience, it all starts with clear communication and a genuine effort to listen. Talk openly about what you and your partner need—and do your best to meet those needs for each other. Seems simple, but it often isn’t.

For example, it’s important to be intentional with your time together. Simply hanging out for the sake of it can cause an early relationship to lose momentum. But if you’re both on the same page about this seemingly simple goal, everything else tends to fall into place more easily.

Plan days around couple-focused activities. Cooking dinner together is one of the best. Going to the gym is another great option. When you make a habit of planning your weeks intentionally, it removes a lot of pressure from both of you and helps build a more fulfilling connection.

Intent and effort go a long way. Make time for your friends, your family, and yourself. Don’t be too strict or hard on yourself—but don’t give in to laziness or chaos either. What I’m describing are boundaries, and they’re essential in every healthy relationship.

Take some time to find each other’s and a meaningful connection will blossom. Hopefully.

Nate, 27/M/Bend, Oregon
What do I do if I know my partner is cheating on me?

Hi Nate,

Usually, people make the wrong decision in this situation—speaking from experience. But try to lead with your brain, not your heart. If you stay, your heart will likely be even more hurt later. They’ve already shown you who they truly are, and if you choose to stay, chances are they’ll show you again.

My best advice: cut your losses and move on. It’ll be painful and messy—but later, you’ll appreciate the courage you showed early on.

All the best to you, friend.

Adal, 18/M/Berlin, Germany
What’s the best way to cold approach women?

Guten tag Adal,

Historically—and personally—I would say: don’t. But the more I think about it, the more I lean toward: What do you really have to lose?

In an increasingly digital world… blah blah blah. You get the gist. People of all ages, I believe, still crave physical connection and real conversation, especially in a time when apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble dominate the dating scene. The younger generation, in particular, seems to long for a time before everything became so filtered and screen-based.

As for the approach—it’s all about vibes. You’ll know when it feels right, and you’ll definitely know when it feels wrong. Body language is everything. For example, repeated, affirmative eye contact could mean a soft invitation.

Spend time honing your conversational skills and let your personality shine. Women appreciate a genuine, confident attempt to be yourself. They’ll see right through any act or performance you try to put on.

Get out there, buddy!

Idalis, 29/F/Phoenix, Arizona
Sex doesn't stop when you're pregnant, a lot of people don't do it cause they are afraid of it & not a lot is taught about it. Obviously it happened cause you got pregnant from having sex in the first place, so… why stop now?

Being creative in bed helps -- be weird with sex – it's our human nature & enjoy pleasure in all forms. be a fucking freak & be proud about it!

Hi Idalis,

Thank you for this! Good luck with the baby and the sex.

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