I DON'T BELIEVE THAT ANYBODY FEELS THE WAY I DO

Do you remember the first time you yearned?

THE WORD IS ON THE STREET THE FIRE IN YOUR HEART IS OUT

What’s never as good as the first time? —

• first kiss with someone you like

• first fuck with someone new 

• cocaine 

YOU ONCE SAID MY NAME FOR THE FIRST TIME

I’m not too good with goodbyes — is anyone? The space between these words feels as vast as the space between you and me. There’s a lingering anticipation of when we’ll meet again, a fear that leaves me frozen in this moment. Will it be the same as it was? How will it feel — how will we feel? Will I remember the sound of your voice, or the way your mouth creased when you smiled? Will your hair still fall the same way as it did tonight? Will you still be able to make me laugh? Will your eyes still meet mine in silence that stops the conversation for a second too long? All these questions run through my mind between each syllable of goodbye. Yes, I will remember. And I will miss you every second after — over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN