UNLESS I AM MYSELF, I AM NOBODY

The first ever Tyler Has A Gun Consumer Report

Welcome to TYLER HAS A GUN, a psychosis-inducing and meditative newsletter about art, music, culture, having fun with your friends, and wherever those may intersect. This letter is a special edition outside of normal reporting.

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CONSUMPTION IS YOUR NEW RELIGION

This week I went undercover to gather intel on what my friends would be consuming over a few days, whether it be food, drink, media, drugs, etc. I’ll be batting lead-off. Enjoy!

***everyone was given three days to record their consumption and I did mine over seven days so I’m sorry my numbers seem high

The author of Tyler Has A Gun,

1400 milligrams of caffeine
1-2 grams of [redacted]
50-75 beers
100-150 ounces of tequila
The Possibility of an Island by Michel Houellebecq
Interaction of Color by Josef Albers
7 chocolate chip cookies
1 large pizza
4 different rice bowls from Bluefin
35,000 IUs of vitamin D3
25,000 IUs of vitamin K2
10,000 IUs of vitamin B12
112 cups of water (probably more)
2 lemon lime Electrolits
13 games of darts
18 games of pool
4 bagels
21 dog walks
56,000 steps
1 pressed juice from Whole Foods
Serial Mom by John Waters
4 complete listens of Whole Lotta Red by Carti
2 avocado toasts
1 vegetable white bean soup
8 listens Diet Pepsi by Addison Rae
Multiple hours of hardcore records
Half BLT (left on car in a parking lot)

My mother,

Water (unspecified amount)
1 Vitamin Water
1 pinacolda (made at home)
Boston cream donut
Tostadas
French toast with fresh whipped cream
Mocha frap from Starbucks
Japanese stir fry with steak and shrimp dinner
Pineapple spritz
QT pretzel
Jalapeño kettle chips
Tacos 🌮

Chase,

Multiple days of stretching and meditation
3 espressos and lattes (from Lux)
Copper Star breakfast bagel with a side of cream cheese
The Boys, TV series (unspecified amount)
Carne asada taco
Pescado taco
2 grapefruit jarritos
Multiple days of marijuana use
Presumed Innocent, TV series (unspecified amount)
Cheez-Its
Brookeside chocolate covered blue berries
Multiple days of nicotine use
100-150ish pages of Einstein's biography (finished)
Orange chicken bowl with half chow mein and fried rice (Panda Express)
2 chicharron tacos
TikTok live debate for about 30 minutes
Half of a potato burrito with avocado at work
1 Stiegl Radler
1 10mg marijuana gummy
4 gin and tonics
Unknown concert
12 buffalo wings with fries

Izzi,

8oz of pre-workout
Charli XCX Brat (in full)
The newest episode of the TrueAnon podcast
Coffee (unspecified amount)
Raisin Bran with Chobani oat milk
200mg Zoloft
10mg Abilify
50mg Adderall XR.
1 blue Jolly Rancher
Chobani Greek yogurt, blueberries, store-brand granola
The part of Freddie deBoer’s newest newsletter that was not behind a paywall
5 pages of “Wikileaks: The World According to US Empire”
звезда по имени солнце by kино (in full)
The Economics of Lesser Evilism by Jason Kohslowski
Multiple days of marijuana use (by the way of a bong)
1 diet Coke
Richard Baird’s Substack post
Trump as the Opium of the People by Zizek
60 minutes of Duolingo
A few hits of a vape - also hard to keep track of
The Wire Season 1 episodes 8-12
TikTok for 26 min
Bowl of Raisin Bran with Chobani oat milk
This article was sent to me in a work group chat
2 slices of tomato pie
This YouTube video
Mccrumps substack “The Hegel party” (it was a form of self-harm)

Julia,

Greek yogurt (unspecified amount)
Oat pancakes (unspecified amount)
Ollie Vaughn’s key lime pie
Leftover family meal (thank you Lom Wong kitchen)
Black sesame seed/flax/sunflower seed and pepita granola with yogurt
1 cheese stick
Meatballs in marinara
Trader Joe’s fish nuggets with homemade chimichurri and fried green plantains
Big Salt white wine
Black coffee (unspecified amount)
Nettle and Rosehip tea (unspecified amount)
Water (unspecified amount)
Grocery Goblin
Leonard Cohen’s Who By Fire
Ready or Not podcast
Boob to Food podcast
Dean Blunt’s Chucking It
& wishing I was as articulate as @artofetheltawe

Damian,

663 minutes of doom scrolling
The Neon Demon by Nicolas Winding Refn
On Fire by Galaxie 500 (twice listened)
2 iced lattes with oat milk
Water (unspecified amount)
2 black iced teas
Turkey pesto sandwich
Salmon and rice bowl
Restarted Sex and the City for the 100th time
Brat on repeat
1 iced matcha with oat milk
Postino charcuterie board with a steak Cesar salad
A large handful of Nerd's gummy clusters
Mulholland Drive by David Lynch
Violent Bent Backwards Over the Grass by Lena Del Rey
Barbell protein bar
2 grapefruit Spindrift seltzers
1 fun size Twix bar
1 Flying Dutchman with grilled onions from In n Out with a Diet Coke

Adal,

4 Einstein bagels (airport)
Jeans, Light, Two Bad by 2hollis
Earl Grey tea (unspecified amount)
Visited the Jefferson Memorial, the MLK Memorial, and the Veterans Memorial
Ruben sandwich
Chicken honey lime wrap
Upgrade by Leigh Whannell (on the plane to DC from Denver)
Lots of photos taken on film camera (model and make unspecified)

Austin,

Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich
Water (unspecified amount)
2 Advil
1 americano
Half of a Throwing Fits podcast
Sausage and egg fried rice (made at home)
2 draft beers (happy hour)
Marijuana (unspecified amount, but at least one indica joint)
1 Negroni
1 Modelo
2 Rolled bugler ciggrettes
Chicken tenders and fries
Water (unspecified amount, but at least 24 ounces)
20z iced red eye with half and half
Greek yogurt (unspecified amount)
7.5mg Adderall XR
Greek salad with chicken
4th quarter of US vs. Serbia game
1 Pale Ale
1 Boulevardier
1 Montenegro
2 Miller High Life
Slice of pizza (burratta w/basil)
How Long Gone podcast
Bacon egg and cheese sandwich
Cold brew (unspecified amount)
Bag of Chex Mix
Diet Coke

Lucas,

4 cups of water
1 sesame bagel with plain cream cheese
1 20 oz cold brew with almond milk
1 Cool Blue Gatorade
Macaroni salad
Italian sub
10 Budweisers
2 Coors Banquet tall boys
Literally one single Flaming Hot Cheeto
2 Six Point IPAs
Brisket sandwich with parm fries
15 5oz samples of a double IPA (at work)
1 Finback Double IPA
3 Babybel cheeses
Bacon egg and cheese on a roll with a hash brown
1 20oz black iced coffee
1 Arnold Palmer lite
Pretzel sticks (a lot)
Spaghetti bolognese
4 Modelos
Lays sour cream and onion chips (unspecified amount)

Skylar,

*I didn’t feel like going through and typing all these out so this will be the only list included free of any edits
**She also included 11 other screenshots of all the music she listened to that I’m also too lazy to include because this is already way too long of a letter but trust me she listens to bangers

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If you’d like to be included in the next Tyler Has A Gun Consumer Report follow me on Instagram and wait for me to open up submissions again, peace & love!